First Letter Home

After a two week wait we get our first letters from Josh. I am relieved that he seems pretty positive and upbeat. He misses home and his computer, but otherwise doesn't complain. In fact, he says school is way better than Wilderness. While this all seems good, the school has cautioned that it may not be as positive as it appears on the surface. They actually want the kids to act out and display their maladaptive behaviors so the staff can see first hand what the issues are and go to work addressing them. Apparently, many kids arriving at school start out very compliant, intent on "doing their time" and staying under the radar until they can come home. What generally happens with these kids is that they can't keep up the good behavior and, at some point, have a big meltdown. The staff would prefer that they get this out of their systems sooner rather than later because, until they do, they can't begin their "work".

Wilderness Graduation Ceremony

Elements' base (headquarters) is about 3 hours south of Salt Lake City in Huntington. From there we drive an hour and a half southwest into the Manti-LaSal National Forest, where the boys have been hiking and camping in the high desert for the last 8 weeks. When we get close to camp, the parents (there are two moms picking up their sons and one dad visiting) are blindfolded for a trust walk with our sons. I have not yet seen Josh, but he gives me the end of a stick to hold while he leads me through the sage brush to where the "graduation" ceremony will be. We all walk in silence, but as I stumble along he whispers, "I missed you".

When we reach the site of the ceremony our blindfolds are removed and we are shown a rock path made by the boys to symbolize the past, present and future. This is something the boys have come up with on their own and, as each mom and her son enter the path, another boy describes what it represents: "This is the west gate, which represents the setting of the sun and the end of an old era." In the first section, the boy tells me that this represents the past and gives Josh two stones which symbolize past behaviors that he is working to eliminate. Josh hands me the stones and asks me to name the two behaviors that I would like to see buried in the past. I say, "playing WOW and lying". He takes the stones and puts them in a hole. We both cover the stones with dirt.

As we proceed into the second section, the boy says: "This is the present. The present is the only moment we have and the only moment we can control. It is the only time when we can actually work to achieve our goals."

Then we come to the crossroads and he says: "There are two possible paths to the future. We can continue down our old destructive path, leading into a tree, which represents a dead end. Or we can choose the path that leads to healthy relationships and wise choices. However, there are two rocks blocking this path. They represent obstacles on the journey that will need to be overcome to reach our destination." We take the rocks and move them out of the way.

As we exit the path, the boy tells us: "This is the east gate. It represents the rising of the sun and the beginning of a new era."

And then Josh gives me a long, long hug.

Wilderness Therapy Progress

Josh has spent the last few weeks hiking, building fires (without matches), cooking meals, learning survival skills and engaging in therapy. The therapy takes several forms: there are reading and writing assignments, where the boys explore their feelings and motivations; there are structured group therapy sessions and individual therapy sessions; and on an ongoing basis the boys give each other feedback about their behavior. We have weekly conference calls with Josh's therapist where we discuss his progress. Josh is making "slow, incremental progress", according to his therapist...two steps forward, one step back. He has the insights about his issues, but struggles with putting those insights into practice. He seems to acknowledge that WoW is an addiction for him and genuinely regrets his behavior over the last several months, but he misses the game and is not willing to give it up altogether.

My teenage son is a World of Warcraft addict

I decided to start a blog because my son is addicted to World of Warcraft and we are struggling to understand it and help him overcome it. I am hoping this blog will do a couple of things: first, provide me with a therapeutic outlet; and second connect with other parents who are struggling with their kids' WoW addiction. Maybe we can help and support each other.

Josh (not his real name) has played for a couple of years now. It started out innocently enough. He played a couple hours a day when he didn't have anything else to do. Now it's all he wants to do. I am no authority on addictions, but he seems to exhibit all the behaviors of an addict: he gets crabby and argumentative when he can't play; when he's really nice to us, we know it's because he's found a way around our restrictions and has figured out how to get his next fix. He's become devious and deceitful in his attempts to get more playing time. His grades are getting worse and he doesn't seem to really care. He's become emotionally overwrought since we took the game away from him and has said life isn't worth living. As a result he is currently hospitalized in an adolescent psych ward.

I plan to chronicle how we ended up in this situation and how we (hopefully) get out of it with a healthy and well-adjusted son.