Josh is home for a week-long visit and I am deliriously happy!
He also got promoted to Step 4 this week, so we have real cause to celebrate. It has taken longer than I had hoped or anticipated, but when I see how my son has grown and changed, I realize that it has all been worth it.
More later...
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I'm glad it is working for your son.
ReplyDeleteThe people who have commented rudely (along with myself, though I hope my comment doesn't come off as rude!) have had bad experiences in RTCs. A lot have been abused at them, myself included.
I believe that not all are abusive and that what works for one kid won't necessarily work for another.
I just want to prepare you for the fact that your son (while he may seem alright with what has happened now) may end up blaming you when he gets home. When you are back in the real world, you realize what you've missed and can become bitter. I know I still haven't learned how to interact with 'normal' people again two years after graduating my program.
I also know that I have never gotten over being escorted. I was on (prescribed) Xanax at the time, so I went along willingly in a daze, but looking back I remember how terrified I was. I still cannot fully trust my mother because I do not know what she will do without telling me, and I'm over 18 now, so realistically there isn't much.
He might rebel, but honestly I don't think sending him back to an RTC would be the best course of action even if that is what your home contract says - I personally would suggest a day placement if you absolutely must have him in some sort of thing like that.
When I got home, I was immediately sent to a normal boarding school. The people were so different that I couldn't handle interacting with them - I self harmed so badly that I had to get stitches. What I'm trying to say is that, if not given the proper support, his poor coping skills could come back with a vengeance.
I really do hope that none if this is true when your son graduates, but I figure it is best to be prepared.
I hope he likes the horses. I know in my time at the RTC, the horses were what kept me sane.
Feel free to contact me at ls_9245@yahoo.com if you would like my perspective on anything - though keep in mind I am female so I can't relate 100% to your son!
Anonymous-
ReplyDeleteThank you for your perspective and thoughtful reply. One of my biggest fears is what will happen to Josh once he leave the bubble of a therapeutic boarding school where he has support 24/7. He has historically had pretty poor coping skills, and I just hope he has learned enough to manage the ups and downs and stresses that are inevitable in the real world.
I am so glad that things seem to be working so far! I do hope that once he gets out he can manage the real world. Monarch worked great for me, although i went there at a time when there wasn't really anyone there(12th student there). So i loved it and loved everyone there it was my second home. When i left though i didn't just go back home i chose to go to another boarding school in NC to finish high school. But i had so much support there and i made life long friends that i still talk to today. I find it to be a great place if one lets themselves be open to change, cause in order to change you have to want to change. I never felt like i was missing out on things nor did i feel like i missed out on anything when i got out. I find that Monarch can be a wonderful place for anyone, you just have to want to better yourself and not stay stuck in the bad. BUT, it is really nice to hear that its going great so far, i hope it stays that way and i hope when he gets out things cont. to be great.
ReplyDeleteAlso...and sorry if i put this in the last post...i some how don't remember i did or not. But i went to a boarding school after...it wasn't a normal one ( all girls) but it was just enough freedom to help transition out of the Monarch life. We were allowed laptops, although you couldn't have them in your dorm room if you weren't a certain level (levels don't take long to get either) also cell phones were allowed at a certain level as well and if you were independent living ( i was) you were allowed to have them 24/7. We went out on weekends ( sometimes during the week) Most girls had debit cards called visa bucks that parents put money on once a month so the child could go out on the weekends. I liked it there, you just dont have the student/staff relationship like at Monarch, which i think is good because it helps with the getting back to normal life and seeing that you aren't going to have those kinds a relationships all the time. Now if you wanted to do something like that, i think that would be good, just really research because there are some that are awful..i chose the second school and kinda funny when my mom was looking for the first one we looked together and i picked Monarch..glad i did.
ReplyDeleteI am glad it is working out well. Ignore those who choose to make negative comments about the programs, they are not important. Your child, and you are important! Congrats.
ReplyDeleteI'm not sure if you remember me, but I was one of your student tour guides when you first came to visit Monarch; I graduated in December and was in Josh's "peer group", though at the time we were transitioning from a different program format, so my definitions are a bit caught between the old and new programs. Anyway, I've been on-and-off following this blog, and I'm quite happy to hear that Josh is doing well there, and has made Step 4.
ReplyDeleteTo share the perspective of a more recent graduate, one of the hardest parts of leaving Monarch for me was suddenly not having that intimate base of people you can rely on who are always there, and the sense of loneliness that accompanies that. I don't know if he's been writing any friends, but if he has, then they will hopefully be a great support base for him. My friends were amazing in helping me transition back into the real world from the Monarch bubble. Remembering you and having read the blog, I also think that you will be a great support for him, which I personally believe is crucial for a successful transition. Even at college, I still call my parents when I'm struggling, something I never would have done before Monarch. An important thing to note is that Monarch, though I completely love and adore it and will happily credit it for helping essentially save my life, is not good with the transitioning-out process, and with Sarah L. gone, I'm not sure exactly how the process works now. As much as Monarch works to prepare for the post-graduation process and cares what happens to its students, a lot of his support will inevitably have to come from outside of Monarch itself, either in the form of other graduates, a therapist, or you and his friends. You could also express your worries about his coping skills in the graduation workshop, and work with him on that. I'm sure that he has thought about graduation many times, so chances are he has several ideas of his own. If you are still working with his ed consultant, I would recommend talking to him/her and see if they have any recommendations, and then make sure to thoroughly check it yourself. Sadly, I ended up going to a program where almost all of the kids were therapeutic boarding school graduates who ended up falling almost immediately back into their old behaviors and constantly bashing on the therapeutic boarding school process, so I've seen first-hand how easy it is to fall back into old patterns, but I really do believe it's because they didn't have any supportive relationships when they left, so that's something to focus on.
Again, I'm glad to hear that Josh is doing well. Let me know if you have any other questions; just like before, I'll answer pretty much anything.
So happy that Josh is doing well! I hope that the home visit went well and that he feels good about the gains that he has made. Change is often slow, but your patience will be rewarded.
ReplyDeleteI'm also glad that you're updating the blog. I worried when there was a very long silence for a while. You have supporters that you will never meet, but always remember that we care about you.
Just curious as to why you are not blogging anymore. I find your blog interesting and I noticed from your profile that we are from the very same area. I hope all is well with your son.
ReplyDeleteGive us an update how is Josh doing.
ReplyDeleteHave you heard of Montana academy ?
ReplyDeleteNo, I haven' t heard of that one, though I know there are a lot of therapeutic-type boarding schools out this way.
ReplyDelete