We went to the emergency room as instructed. There Josh was evaluated by a doctor and a social worker. They conferred with his therapist and the school social worker and concluded that he should be hospitalized for further evaluation. The hospital had a child and adolescent psych ward and he was taken up there. Both he and I thought that this would be for a night, but then we were told that it would probably be for a week. I checked him in and we were given pages of rules and things that were not allowed. "This is a prison!" he said. "I don't belong here." Indeed, everything was restricted, from what they wore to what they did and when they did it. He couldn't even have a book to read until it had been cleared with the staff. When it was time for me to go, he yelled "I hate you!"
I felt horrible. What had I done?
Visiting hours were for one hour a day. When I came back to see him, all he could talk about was how everything was just fine until we took his game away. This was all our fault. I encouraged him to use the time in the hospital to work on his issues and feel better. Needless to say, this fell on deaf ears.
The next day his father came and Josh refused to talk to him.
When I came the next time he didn't talk about the game but only about ow far behind he was falling in school and how stressed that was making him. Maybe he's turning the corner, I thought. At least he seems to care about school.
But today when we had a family meeting with the social worker, it was clear that Josh had really made no progress. He started out ok when we were discussing that he might be able to come home soon, but when we explained that there would be no WoW for awhile until he was back on track, he became tearful and kept saying there was nothing else he enjoyed. Why had we done this to him?
Bill and I left feeling very depressed.
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
Monday, February 23, 2009
Here's what we tried to restrict World of Warcraft
Bill purchased some software called KidsWatch, which enables you to place controls on computer time. It also allows the administrator to monitor all computer activity. We decided to give Josh a total weekly allotment of time of 16 hours, so that he could do his raids and not get cut off in the middle. He negotiated us up to 18 hours per week with the understanding that he would do his homework and chores first.
All seemed to be going well until we realized that he was actually playing more than 18 hours. In fact it seemed like every waking hour on the weekends was spent playing. We discovered that he had found a way to hack around the controls for unlimited gaming time. He was even sneaking down to play after he had supposedly gone to bed for the night. He was falling asleep in class but told his teachers that he suffered from insomnia. His grades began to slip.
So we decided to try something else. Bill demanded that Josh give him his WoW password and he put the limits on at the game level. This time it had to be a daily limit because WoW doesn't have flexibility to do it any other way. Josh went berserk. He yelled and screamed and swore and cried and called us every name in the book. He finally had to agree with our rules or else we would just close his account. We told him that if he didn't comply with the 18 hour per week rule we would take away his internet access altogether.
Days went by and we again found that he was getting around the system and lying about his hours. Bill took the wireless card out of the computer and told Josh he could only use it for school. Another meltdown ensued and Josh couldn't even make it throught a day at school without completely losing it. We were being called by the nurse and the social worker on a daily basis. Josh stated failing tests. He got dropped from level 4 English and history to level 3.
At this point it is pretty clear to us that he is addicted to the game. He is irritable and cranky when he can't play. He is obsessed with getting the game back and it's all he talks about when he talks to us. The kid who had been getting mostly As was getting Cs and Ds. We were engaged in a war of attrition, with Josh trying everything he could to get the game back. This time we were standing our ground and he was getting more and more hysterical. Finally, he told the social worker at school that we had ruined his life and that he didn't want to live anymore if he couldn't play WoW.
These days, when a kid says that (it's called "suicidal ideation"), the schools take it very seriously. They called us and said we had to take him to the hospital.
All seemed to be going well until we realized that he was actually playing more than 18 hours. In fact it seemed like every waking hour on the weekends was spent playing. We discovered that he had found a way to hack around the controls for unlimited gaming time. He was even sneaking down to play after he had supposedly gone to bed for the night. He was falling asleep in class but told his teachers that he suffered from insomnia. His grades began to slip.
So we decided to try something else. Bill demanded that Josh give him his WoW password and he put the limits on at the game level. This time it had to be a daily limit because WoW doesn't have flexibility to do it any other way. Josh went berserk. He yelled and screamed and swore and cried and called us every name in the book. He finally had to agree with our rules or else we would just close his account. We told him that if he didn't comply with the 18 hour per week rule we would take away his internet access altogether.
Days went by and we again found that he was getting around the system and lying about his hours. Bill took the wireless card out of the computer and told Josh he could only use it for school. Another meltdown ensued and Josh couldn't even make it throught a day at school without completely losing it. We were being called by the nurse and the social worker on a daily basis. Josh stated failing tests. He got dropped from level 4 English and history to level 3.
At this point it is pretty clear to us that he is addicted to the game. He is irritable and cranky when he can't play. He is obsessed with getting the game back and it's all he talks about when he talks to us. The kid who had been getting mostly As was getting Cs and Ds. We were engaged in a war of attrition, with Josh trying everything he could to get the game back. This time we were standing our ground and he was getting more and more hysterical. Finally, he told the social worker at school that we had ruined his life and that he didn't want to live anymore if he couldn't play WoW.
These days, when a kid says that (it's called "suicidal ideation"), the schools take it very seriously. They called us and said we had to take him to the hospital.
Where we went wrong
For the last two summers we have sent Josh to a summer camp where there were no electronic diversions. Heck, there wasn't even any electricity, except in the woodworking shop and the office. This was our attempt to get him to engage in healthier activities than just sitting in the basement in front of the computer. For seven weeks he did all the typical camp things: swimming, hiking, canoeing, etc. But as soon as he got home in August he made a beeline to the computer to resume playing his beloved WoW.
At this point we were not thinking that this was an addiction. We just felt that he spent too much time at it and didn't do enough other things. He was starting high school, which we had heard would be a lot tougher and more demanding than junior high, so we told him that we would restrict him to playing only on the weekends, and then only for two hours a day. Josh was not happy about this but we told him we would revisit it after a couple months, based on his grades and other activities.
About three weeks into the school year, Josh began negotiating for more WoW time. He worked on me and got me to help him convince his dad that he should get more time on the computer conditional on getting his homework and chores done first, participating in youth group at church and doing a couple of activities and/or sports at school. His dad was reluctant but finally gave in.
In the next few weeks, Josh did do his homework and chores for the most part. He went to a couple of youth group events and signed up for fencing. He did just the minimum to keep us off his back. He was getting good grades, but more because he is very bright than because he was really working at it. Over time he started missing fencing and youth group and had not signed up for any other activities at school. His social life consisted of hanging out with friends who were also WoW gamers. He did his chores only when reminded.
Bill and I became increasingly frustrated that Josh had not lived up to his end of the bargain. He was playing more and more and doing less and less outside of going to school and playing World of Warcraft. We decided that we would need to place additional restrictions on Josh's WoW time.
At this point we were not thinking that this was an addiction. We just felt that he spent too much time at it and didn't do enough other things. He was starting high school, which we had heard would be a lot tougher and more demanding than junior high, so we told him that we would restrict him to playing only on the weekends, and then only for two hours a day. Josh was not happy about this but we told him we would revisit it after a couple months, based on his grades and other activities.
About three weeks into the school year, Josh began negotiating for more WoW time. He worked on me and got me to help him convince his dad that he should get more time on the computer conditional on getting his homework and chores done first, participating in youth group at church and doing a couple of activities and/or sports at school. His dad was reluctant but finally gave in.
In the next few weeks, Josh did do his homework and chores for the most part. He went to a couple of youth group events and signed up for fencing. He did just the minimum to keep us off his back. He was getting good grades, but more because he is very bright than because he was really working at it. Over time he started missing fencing and youth group and had not signed up for any other activities at school. His social life consisted of hanging out with friends who were also WoW gamers. He did his chores only when reminded.
Bill and I became increasingly frustrated that Josh had not lived up to his end of the bargain. He was playing more and more and doing less and less outside of going to school and playing World of Warcraft. We decided that we would need to place additional restrictions on Josh's WoW time.
Sunday, February 22, 2009
My teenage son is a World of Warcraft addict
I decided to start a blog because my son is addicted to World of Warcraft and we are struggling to understand it and help him overcome it. I am hoping this blog will do a couple of things: first, provide me with a therapeutic outlet; and second connect with other parents who are struggling with their kids' WoW addiction. Maybe we can help and support each other.
Josh (not his real name) has played for a couple of years now. It started out innocently enough. He played a couple hours a day when he didn't have anything else to do. Now it's all he wants to do. I am no authority on addictions, but he seems to exhibit all the behaviors of an addict: he gets crabby and argumentative when he can't play; when he's really nice to us, we know it's because he's found a way around our restrictions and has figured out how to get his next fix. He's become devious and deceitful in his attempts to get more playing time. His grades are getting worse and he doesn't seem to really care. He's become emotionally overwrought since we took the game away from him and has said life isn't worth living. As a result he is currently hospitalized in an adolescent psych ward.
I plan to chronicle how we ended up in this situation and how we (hopefully) get out of it with a healthy and well-adjusted son.
Josh (not his real name) has played for a couple of years now. It started out innocently enough. He played a couple hours a day when he didn't have anything else to do. Now it's all he wants to do. I am no authority on addictions, but he seems to exhibit all the behaviors of an addict: he gets crabby and argumentative when he can't play; when he's really nice to us, we know it's because he's found a way around our restrictions and has figured out how to get his next fix. He's become devious and deceitful in his attempts to get more playing time. His grades are getting worse and he doesn't seem to really care. He's become emotionally overwrought since we took the game away from him and has said life isn't worth living. As a result he is currently hospitalized in an adolescent psych ward.
I plan to chronicle how we ended up in this situation and how we (hopefully) get out of it with a healthy and well-adjusted son.
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