Josh is home for a week-long visit and I am deliriously happy!
He also got promoted to Step 4 this week, so we have real cause to celebrate. It has taken longer than I had hoped or anticipated, but when I see how my son has grown and changed, I realize that it has all been worth it.
More later...
Saturday, September 4, 2010
Thursday, August 19, 2010
Catching Up
It's been a few months since my last post and lots has happened. Josh is progressing nicely through Monarch's program...maybe not as fast as we'd like, and not without some bumps along the way, but good progress nonetheless. We see him monthly, either out there when we visit him or here when he comes home, and each time he seems healthier, more sure of himself, more caring of those around him and more connected with his family.
I know there are people who criticize Monarch and other schools like it (and several have posted comments on this blog), characterizing its practices as brainwashing, abusive, cultish or just plain ineffective. And I can see that the program would not work for every child or in every situation; but for our son, the school, its staff and its program have been just what was needed. It's not perfect and I don't always agree with everything they do, but I have seen tremendous growth in my son in the past several months and I am grateful. I know this is something we could not have achieved on our own.
As I have read the critical (and sometimes crude and abusive) comments, I have observed that not one of the people making those comments has actually had first-hand experience with the Monarch School as a student or as a parent. So I am not sure where they get their information or why they see themselves as such authorities on the subject. I am sure I will get a flurry of comments in response to this. And go ahead. Have at it. But just know that I WILL NOT post anything with abusive or crude language.
I know there are people who criticize Monarch and other schools like it (and several have posted comments on this blog), characterizing its practices as brainwashing, abusive, cultish or just plain ineffective. And I can see that the program would not work for every child or in every situation; but for our son, the school, its staff and its program have been just what was needed. It's not perfect and I don't always agree with everything they do, but I have seen tremendous growth in my son in the past several months and I am grateful. I know this is something we could not have achieved on our own.
As I have read the critical (and sometimes crude and abusive) comments, I have observed that not one of the people making those comments has actually had first-hand experience with the Monarch School as a student or as a parent. So I am not sure where they get their information or why they see themselves as such authorities on the subject. I am sure I will get a flurry of comments in response to this. And go ahead. Have at it. But just know that I WILL NOT post anything with abusive or crude language.
Saturday, February 27, 2010
Short Track Speed Skating
Last night's 500 meter short track speed skating event was very poignant for me. Not because American skater Apolo Ohno was disqualified. But because exactly 16 years ago, while watching this same event on TV, my water broke and I went into labor with Josh. He was born on February 27, 1994 at 8:30 in the morning.
So, watching the race last night made me sad. Sad because it feels like just yesterday that Josh was a tiny baby (well, not so tiny- he weighed in at 9 lbs when he was born). Sad because my kids are growing up so fast. Sad that Josh is going to celebrate this big milestone without us. Sad that we are missing the last years that he would've been here with us before going off to college and adulthood. Sad because I feel regret and guilt about all of the mistakes we have made parenting him that led to his being at Monarch.
Bill had to remind me to take the long view...It's more important that Josh be happy and healthy at 20 and 25 and 30 years old than it is to have him here with us right this moment. And, Josh has made tremendous progress in the last 5 months that we should be pleased and proud about. And this should help us see that there's light at the end of the tunnel. He's right and I agree with him. It's just hard.
So, watching the race last night made me sad. Sad because it feels like just yesterday that Josh was a tiny baby (well, not so tiny- he weighed in at 9 lbs when he was born). Sad because my kids are growing up so fast. Sad that Josh is going to celebrate this big milestone without us. Sad that we are missing the last years that he would've been here with us before going off to college and adulthood. Sad because I feel regret and guilt about all of the mistakes we have made parenting him that led to his being at Monarch.
Bill had to remind me to take the long view...It's more important that Josh be happy and healthy at 20 and 25 and 30 years old than it is to have him here with us right this moment. And, Josh has made tremendous progress in the last 5 months that we should be pleased and proud about. And this should help us see that there's light at the end of the tunnel. He's right and I agree with him. It's just hard.
Friday, February 19, 2010
Third visit: double overnight
This visit Josh got to join us for two nights off campus...nice for him to get a break from school, but the main purpose was for him to practice living "in agreement" (following the rules) and for us to practice holding boundaries. This is important because in a couple months he will be able to come home for a visit and we all need to be ready for that.
Since we're not allowed to stay in Sandpoint (so the staff can have some privacy, since that's where most of them live), we ended up staying in Bonner's Ferry. Katie went snowboarding at Schweizer Mt. both days while we hung out with Josh and talked, listened to music, and went out to eat. It may not sound too exciting, but it was a good way for us to be together and in the moment.
Josh had just been promoted to Step 2 and was feeling very good about it. He has made incredible progress and seems so much happier and more comfortable with who he is. He still misses WOW and thinks about it on and off, but he is starting to understand the role it was playing for him and the void it was filling.
I can't believe he'll turn 16 in a few weeks and we won't be with him to celebrate it, but I guess I just have to take the long view. He's where he needs to be right now.
Since we're not allowed to stay in Sandpoint (so the staff can have some privacy, since that's where most of them live), we ended up staying in Bonner's Ferry. Katie went snowboarding at Schweizer Mt. both days while we hung out with Josh and talked, listened to music, and went out to eat. It may not sound too exciting, but it was a good way for us to be together and in the moment.
Josh had just been promoted to Step 2 and was feeling very good about it. He has made incredible progress and seems so much happier and more comfortable with who he is. He still misses WOW and thinks about it on and off, but he is starting to understand the role it was playing for him and the void it was filling.
I can't believe he'll turn 16 in a few weeks and we won't be with him to celebrate it, but I guess I just have to take the long view. He's where he needs to be right now.
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
Second Visit and Lots of Progress
We just returned from visiting Josh at Monarch School. He has been there four months now and we can see that he has made so much progress. He seems more grounded, more confident, more comfortable in his own skin and I am so happy. Of course, there's lots more work to be done, both by him and by us, but it's a relief to see what has been accomplished so far. I know it's been hard for him, which makes me all the prouder.
This time the parents did an experiential exercise together ith our children. It was called "Sculpture" and we had to make a living sculpture of how we saw our family dynamic before Wilderness/Monarch and then talk about it. Seems kind of weird in the abstract but it was very revealing. I think we each learned something about how our family members perceive us and our roles in the drama.
This time Josh also got to have some time off campus. We didn't do anything major - we just hung out, talked, played board games and went out for dinner. Josh had an assignment to tell us his "life story"...obviously most of it was not new to us, but we gained a lot of insight from hearing the things he chose to focus on and talk about.
From our daughter's perspective the best thing about the visit (besides seeing her brother) was that we got to go horseback riding. Monarch has a wonderful new equine studies teacher. She does equine therapy as well as riding lessons, roping and barrel racing. It was cold so we were happy to stay in the indoor arena. Katie just loved the horses and is ready to enroll at the school. We'll be broke by then.
We had a long trip home...this really is the one major downside of Monarch: it is so inaccessible. But we are grateful to have found the school. It has turned out to be a perfect fit for Josh and his needs.
This time the parents did an experiential exercise together ith our children. It was called "Sculpture" and we had to make a living sculpture of how we saw our family dynamic before Wilderness/Monarch and then talk about it. Seems kind of weird in the abstract but it was very revealing. I think we each learned something about how our family members perceive us and our roles in the drama.
This time Josh also got to have some time off campus. We didn't do anything major - we just hung out, talked, played board games and went out for dinner. Josh had an assignment to tell us his "life story"...obviously most of it was not new to us, but we gained a lot of insight from hearing the things he chose to focus on and talk about.
From our daughter's perspective the best thing about the visit (besides seeing her brother) was that we got to go horseback riding. Monarch has a wonderful new equine studies teacher. She does equine therapy as well as riding lessons, roping and barrel racing. It was cold so we were happy to stay in the indoor arena. Katie just loved the horses and is ready to enroll at the school. We'll be broke by then.
We had a long trip home...this really is the one major downside of Monarch: it is so inaccessible. But we are grateful to have found the school. It has turned out to be a perfect fit for Josh and his needs.
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