Short Track Speed Skating

Last night's 500 meter short track speed skating event was very poignant for me.  Not because American skater Apolo Ohno was disqualified. But because exactly 16 years ago, while watching this same event on TV, my water broke and I went into labor with Josh. He was born on February 27, 1994 at 8:30 in the morning.

So, watching the race last night made me sad.  Sad because it feels like just yesterday that Josh was a tiny baby (well, not so tiny- he weighed in at 9 lbs when he was born). Sad because my kids are growing up so fast. Sad that Josh is going to celebrate this big milestone without us. Sad that we are missing the last years that he would've been here with us before going off to college and adulthood. Sad because I feel regret and guilt about all of the mistakes we have made parenting him that led to his being at Monarch.

Bill had to remind me to take the long view...It's more important that Josh be happy and healthy at 20 and 25 and 30 years old than it is to have him here with us right this moment. And, Josh has made tremendous progress in the last 5 months that we should be pleased and proud about. And this should help us see that there's light at the end of the tunnel. He's right and I agree with him. It's just hard.