When Josh was at Wilderness the therapist did an exercise with the boys to help them better understand the underlying reasons for their various addictions. He explained that there are a few basic emotional needs that all people have. Different psychologists have somewhat different names for these needs, but they are: need for control/autonomy, need for security/safety, need for community/acceptance/sense of belonging, need for competence/achievement and need for affection/warmth/love.
He explained that if people cannot meet one or more of these needs in the usual way, they will often turn to some form of addiction that seems to fill or dull this need. Then he went around the group and asked each boy which need he felt his particular addiction was filling. A couple of the boys said that they had originally started doing drugs as a way to gain acceptance into a "cool" group of kids that did not accept their "straight" selves. Others said their addiction fed their need for control, autonomy or freedom. When it was Josh's turn he thought for a minute and said, "All of them. World of Warcraft meets all of my needs."
When the therapist told me this story, I had a real epiphany. Suddenly I could understand why this game had such a powerful hold over my son. In the virtual world he could be the person he wanted to be but couldn't be in the real world. He was a member of a guild that accepted him, but at the same time his anonymity provided a sense of safety and security. He could create and control his characters and feel a sense of achievement as he completed quests and leveled up. He was admired for his skill and relied upon to help his guild-mates. It became painfully clear that this was not going to be an easy addiction to break.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Posts
My brother's wife keeps a tight control over my six year old nephew when it comes to anything, including gaming. He is exposed to many outdoor and indoor activities and allowed to pursue his interests within limits. For example, he can only play the Wii for 1 hour, and only on weekends. If he ever misbehaves (never does), is late in finishing his homework etc, he misses the opportunity to play that week. Yes this may seem a little strict, but I will raise my kids the same way. My nephew loves his Wii, and begs for more playtime, but understands at that age, that everything needs to be done in moderation and above all else, he must listen to his parents without any argument because he will never get his way at home or anywhere on this planet by showing tantrums.
ReplyDeleteThis doesn't help your case since your son is in high school now with more independence than a six year old kid. Addiction to Warcraft is a powerful force to overcome. I play Warcraft too, and have four years. But unlike Josh, I have a degree from a top ranked college, am a manager with a great salary, and have a close relationship with my family and friends.
Cutting off Josh's subscription is likely not an option anymore. He will find ways around it. What he may need is extended time away from the internet and a computer, and a realization that there is more to life. As long as he logs on everyday, there is nothing that will lower his addiction level. The company that makes Warcraft will keep this up as long as they can, with patches and expansions, as this is a huge source of revenue for them. And as long as they do, Josh will stay interested like millions of Warcraft players all over the world.
I went from playing several hours a day, to only in my spare time when I started my full-time job, not because I was less interested in the game, but because there comes a time in your life where you have to make a choice. I quit my raiding guild, shut down my account for six months and restarted it only when I was sure I had time to play. My career and relationships are more important to me than any entertainment a virtual world can provide. My parents never had to discourage me from playing this game or any other; they never even knew about it. But they passed onto me values and principles which guided me in my decision making, and even though I live a thousand miles away and live my life the way I choose, I have never once been addicted to any activity, whether it be gaming, smoking or alcohol.
I hope you and Bill find a solution to your problem. Perhaps go on an extended family vacation or find him the right girl. Josh has to realize that there are greater things in life than 'being admired for his skill and achievements' in a game no one will care about in a few years. And he needs to realize it now during the formative years of his life, rather than when its game over. The choices he makes in the next few years will affect his entire life. He must make the right decisions now, with your guidance, because only that will give him the ability to live his life the way he chooses to, like I do.
Wish you the best of luck Ellen and Bill, and all other parents facing similar issues with their kids at home, whether it's Warcraft or anything else.
Hi, my name is Carly Wright and I was actually just looking for some stock photos of Carlbrook School for one of my projects in college, I saw your blog and I actually got sent away to the wilderness/boarding school programs for the same reason. Since then I went back to a regular private high school and I have moved on to college now. If you are interested in asking questions about what it is like going to therapy for WoW amongst other addictions or are just looking for some extra support or even what it is like after treatment, feel free to contact me at carly.carlywright.wright@gmail.com.
ReplyDeleteI originally went to a wilderness program called Three Rivers Montana in summer of 2006 (I think it has shut down since then) then moved on to Carlbrook in August of 2006, then went back to wilderness in that December to Second Nature Blue Ridge and returned to Carlbrook to finish the program there.
Hi Carly-
ReplyDeleteThanks for your post...I would like to connect with you...do you think Carlbrook helped you? I am so worried that my son will spend a year or more at Monarch and just go right back to the gaming addiction. The alumni parents have told me to "trust the system" at school, so I am placing my faith in them. We looked at Carlbrook too for Josh but it felt a bit more formal and not quite as nurturing as Monarch. Of course, that was just my perception spending a couple hours there. Our ed consultant is very high on it and says it's the best academically of all the therapeautic boarding schools.