Saturday, October 10, 2009
Dreaming of Josh
Even though Josh has been away at school for a month now, I still think about him constantly throughout the day. In the middle of whatever I am doing I will stop and wonder what he is doing at that moment. Is he is in class? Having lunch? Or just hanging out with the other kids? I also dream about him. Last night I had one that was a new twist on the old final exam dream (the one where you realize you have an exam for a course that you've never attended and haven't read the book...and furthermore you can't seem to find out where the exam is being held). In the new version of the dream I have gone to Monarch School for parents' weekend. There seems to be construction going on all around the campus so it's hard to make your way from one building to another. Kids and parents are going from one activity to the next but I can't seem to find Josh anywhere. Finally, at the very end of the weekend I do find him, just in time to give him a big hug before I have to leave. I wonder what it means...am I afraid I won't be able to connect with him when I see him again? Will he have changed so much I won't really know him anymore? I wonder if other parents in my situation have similar dreams.
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The dream you are having is due to feelings of guilt you have about what you've done to your son, and the obstacle or maze-like quality of the construction blocking your is because of your feelings of inadequacy for not being able to deal with your son yourself.
ReplyDeleteI found this blog while looking for something else but read it with great interest because my son graduated from Carlbrook several years ago. I want you to know that he is doing very well now, and I have never regretted the decision to send him to wilderness and to a therapeutic boarding school. He also agrees that it was the right thing and even realized it back then, although he of course went reluctantly. You haven't posted for a while--I hope that everything is okay with you and Josh. Please know that you are doing what is right for Josh. I wish you all the best.
ReplyDeleteI went to monarch- if the staff is anything like it was when I was there he's in good hands. Playing the computer and the expense of important social activities is indicative of perhaps a larger problem...I think you did the right thing- and I know it was hard- it was hard for my parents too. They don't brainwash you or change your personality- I graduated five or six or years ago and -if anything- after graduating I was more myself than I had ever been. I hope it comforts you to hear this- if it helps I'll be happy to talk with you here anonymously. I'll check this every so often. One of the things I did learn at this school was that it does actually- no bull- feel good to lend a hand where I can...
ReplyDeleteThank you both for your words of encouragement and hope. As you know, it is not easy to send your kid away, put their well-being in someone else's hands and have the faith that all will work out. It's also not easy to acknowledge the role you have in their problems. So far, Monarch has met our expectations wonderfully and Josh is making good progress. We don't regret our decision for a moment.
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