We Make the Gut-Wrenching Decision

Although we have now settled on a program, Bill and I vacillate about "pulling the trigger". We lie in bed late into the night discussing our options. What if we don't send Josh to wilderness? Maybe he'll play WoW so much that he'll get sick of it or maybe he'll grow out of it. Not likely, but even if he does, we know that there are underlying reasons for his addiction that won't be addressed, and he could ultimately trade one addiction for another. We list out all the things that may be causing the addiction and ask ourselves if any of them will resolve itself over time without some sort of serious intervention. Very unlikely, we conclude.

We decide that, as much as this decision pains us, it is really the only responsible decision we can make. Our counselor has told us that we can turn on a dime and get Josh enrolled within a couple of days. We call Elements and are told that it will be another week before they have a spot open. We aren't prepared for this...once we have made the decision we want to act quickly before we get cold feet. They tell us they will get back to us if they can move it up. So now we start to get used to the idea of having Josh with us for another week. When they call us Thursday and say he can come on Monday, we are suddenly freaked out. We thought we had a bit of a reprieve. I briefly consider taking Josh out there myself. It will be dreadful even if I can actually get him to agree to go, but at least it seems like a more honest and above-board way to handle my son. Then Bill aks me what I will do if Josh pulls something cute at the airport like saying, "I've got a gun/bomb" . I quickly reconsider and call the Bill Lane & Associates to make the arrangements for the transport to Utah.

Bill Lane gets the flights and other arrangements set up quickly, we sign all the paperwork and authorizations, and he tells us that Josh will be on a 6:00 am flight Monday morning...that means that the two escorts will show up at our house at 3:45 am to collect him! A million things go through my mind: what and when should we tell Josh what's coming? What do we do with our 8 year old daughter when all of this is going down? What about our three very loud, barking dogs? What if Josh starts yelling and screaming and making a scene at 3:45 in the morning and the neighbors call the cops on us? I worry and stew and can't sleep or eat for days.

We meet with Brian and Randy (the escorts) at Panera on Sunday evening. They have flown in from Boise where they work as police officers when they aren't transporting teens. They calmly explain how everything will work. They are very personable and seem competent and professional. But Bill and I feel guilty about what we are doing and whether Josh will ever forgive us. We want to sit him down that night and explain what we are doing and why, but Brian and Randy counsel against it. They reassure us that they have done this many times and that it goes most smoothly if the child does not know ahead of time. At best, he will obsess and brood about it, which does him no good. At worst he will plot his escape and the whole thing will unravel. I feel horrible about "tricking" Josh, but they convince us that he will be fine and will not hold it against us when all is said and done.

We go home and try to act normal. We have sent our daughter to a friend's house for the night so she won't come out of her room to see her brother being dragged out of the house by two strange men. Josh comes home from the Dungeon around 9:30 and is in a good mood since he has had a good long fix of gaming. We have a nice conversation and I think, "Have we made a mistake? Do we really need to do this?"

I set the alarm for 3:30 am and we lie there staring at the ceiling while Josh sleeps in his room, oblivious to what is about to happen. When the alarm goes off we get up and put the dogs in the garage with some bones. We turn on the outside lights so that Brian and Randy can find the house in the dark. I have a backpack ready by the front door with a sweatshirt, Josh's ipod and his book. When the guys arrive we go upstairs and into Josh's room. I am so anxious I feel like I am going to throw up. But I nudge Josh and tell him to wake up. We tell him that he's got to get up because Brian and Randy are here to take him to camp. I am expecting him to go postal but he is groggy and just says, "Huh?...Where am I going? How long is it for?" We tell him we love him and will talk to him soon and then the guys motion to us to leave. We are supposed to leave the house so that Josh can't try pleading or bargaining. So we drive around for a while and when we come back they are gone.